If your marriage is currently struggling, understand that many marriages struggle because they have never discovered this one little trick that will totally transform their marriage. Not knowing this, can be one of the biggest obstacles to an amazing and thriving marriage.
Outside of God, this is probably one of the most important things that helped us in our marriage. In fact, until we fully understood this part, everything we did only had minimal effects. But once we got this right, everything was so much easier. So, let’s jump right in then, shall we?
It’s All About Mindset!
What we are talking about is ‘mindset’. In the Book of Genesis, we read:
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, NIV84)
When you married your spouse, you were saying that you wanted to be together! You no longer wanted to be single, you wanted to join your life, your ambitions, your joys and your sorrows with another person.
The problem is that too many married couples live single lives!
Because of this, when couples have a disagreement or get into a fight, they see their spouse as their enemy as if they are coming against them. You need to understand that your spouse is not our enemy- you are both on the same team!
You have to wrap your mind around this idea FULLY. You see, when you yell at, belittle, abuse, or hurt your spouse in any way– you are actually hurting yourself as well!
“After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.” (Ephesians 5:29, NIV84)
Who wants to hurt themselves? When you hurt your spouse, you are hurting yourself– BUT when you view your spouse as an extension of yourself, you will begin to see them and your marriage in a different light.
There is a saying that goes like this: “Hurt people–hurt people.”
When your spouse is hurting… you are hurting. You are both “hurt people” and as a result of your pain, you sometimes hurt each other. But you are not enemies. Our marriage needs to stop being a “battleground” and instead we need to find some common ground.
We can all find a lot of common ground if we really look. But for sure, the common ground that you share with your spouse is that you have both been hurt in this marriage.
Now you have a choice to make– you can continue to point the finger and blame… you can continue to allow yourselves to be victims or you can stand up and say ‘NO MORE’!
We are NOT enemies– we are lovers and friends- we are ONE FLESH!
Once you realize and accept that you are truly on the same team you
will no longer see your spouse as the enemy. It doesn’t matter what the issue is either. Instead of seeing your spouse as the enemy- you will rightly see the issue, the problem, as the enemy instead of your spouse.
But if you continue to see your spouse as someone who needs to be “fixed”, if you continue to fight him or her instead of the real issues, you will always be battling your spouse.
Instead of fighting each other, you need to fight TOGETHER!
Recognizing and accepting that you are on the same team is the most important step — putting it into action takes a little more work, though.
Saying that we are on the same team is one thing, acting like it is something altogether different. You see, it is easy to say we are on the same team, but when your spouse is screaming in your face, do you feel like you are on the same team then?
When they call you all sorts of names or accuse you of something, do you feel like you are on the same team?
- What if they have betrayed you or your trust?
- What if they have been unfaithful to you?
- What if they have been abusive?
- What if they have walked out on you?
- What if they always give you the silent treatment?
- What if they belittle you?
When they look an awful lot like your enemy, do you still believe that you are on the same team?
If you are like most people, probably not. You probably feel like they are against you. You probably feel alone. You probably feel like no one understands what you are going through. You probably feel like a victim.
These are all legitimate feelings to have. But the thing that you have to try and remember here is that you are both victims. This doesn’t make what your spouse did right. It doesn’t excuse them or their behavior or actions.
But if one of you is hurting- then both of you are hurting! You are One Flesh and once you flip the switch and begin acting like one flesh, then everything else in your marriage will begin to fall in line too.
*What is one thing you can do to begin embracing the “One Flesh” principle in your marriage? Let us know in the Comments Below!