The masks had finally come off and I was crushed! All of my hopes and dreams for our future were completely demolished. How could I go on thinking that we had a future when she would always be thinking the worst of me? Even if things seemed to get better- how would I know? She had said that she would never tell me any different.
If you missed Part One of Our Story- you can read it HERE. You can read Part Two HERE.
Our First Separation
At that point I just shut down. I was tired of fighting, I was worn out, there was nothing left- I just felt numb to everything. So I said it… I never thought I would say it, but I did:
“I don’t love you anymore… I want a divorce.”
She decided to go get some counseling and she met with a pastor who helped her understand who she was in God’s sight. He recommended that she read Telling Yourself The Truth by William Backus. After reading that book, she began to see herself in a totally different light and her self-worth and self-image drastically improved.
NEW PROBLEM ARISES…
I started to notice her changes but I couldn’t believe it- I wouldn’t believe it- I refused! Now she is Miss Perfect?—NO WAY! I was enraged, so much so that I had become the male version of her. I was now the insecure one- constantly questioning her and second-guessing her motives.
We tried to get counseling together but it was no use- before we knew it, we were separated for a second time. Yet this time, it was all me. I just couldn’t let go of the past and it continued to plague us. We decided to get back together and try again, but it wasn’t long before we were in our third and final separation.
This time I was bound and determined- it was all over. I had moved back home to my family and now we were 600 miles apart and we were done.
A New Marriage and A New Life
We hadn’t talked for a few months and I began to realize that I must be pretty messed up. I decided that if I ever got back together with my wife or if I got remarried, something must be done about ME! I needed to fix me- because there was something wrong with me.
I knew that neither one of us were innocent, we had both contributed to the problem. But if I didn’t take care of my issues- I would just carry them into any future relationships. Now I could not afford a “real counselor”, so I decided to look up a local church and see if I could talk to a minister and try to get some counseling that way.
When I sat down with the minister—his name was Cliff, he said something to me that completely changed my life and our marriage. What he said to me was the KEY TO SAVING OUR MARRIAGE and it is what has kept us together these past 20+ years, and it is the key to having the thriving marriage we have today. Cliff said:
“Listen, I’m no marriage counselor but I know one thing and that is this:
Things will never be right between you and your wife until you… Read Part 4 Here…